Cancel Culture: Is There Room for Grace, Compassion and Change?

Ever want to feel inadequate beyond measure? Log into an Instagram Live video, eager to chat, and be met with silence. I come to you LIVE on the blog now because I am so dull my live-stream has turned into me awkwardly glancing back at the camera as I type this to you. Hollywood, Here I come!

In honesty, part of the reason I went on last night was due to Hollywood. I received a text earlier in the day asking if I had "seen all the D'Elia stuff..." Having no idea what was happening, I hopped on Twitter and read the "news."

My initial reaction was to roll my eyes and say, "not surprised."

I was a big Chris D'Elia fan. I first fell in love with him on the show, "Whitney," Whitney Cummings, hilarious sitcom series for NBC, where the role of Alex Miller was written for D'Elia by Cummings. Their chemistry both on the show and in various podcasts they've done over the years has always been charming and relatable.

Why then were the accusation of this charming, funny comedian I declared, "I loved" being accused of profiling and grooming young girls for sex, no surprise to me? Is it because in this day and age, nothing surprises us anymore, or is it that we are so used to rich dudes getting whatever the hell they want? These moments always leave me angry and quick to blast the "Chads" of the world - which, in itself, isn't fair because all the "Chads" I know are great guys.

After falling down the Twitter rabbit hole and spending waaaaay too much time combing the claims thrown at D'Elia, I took to my own Instagram to bid him a farewell. Like the sheep, I am, I declared him unfunny and insecure. The fact is, I could be described the same way in my worst moments. Add in a bunch of clips to further intensify the allegations, and your career that you worked tirelessly to build, can end up in the toilet faster than lunch at Taco Bell. (Yes, I know #TacoBellIsOverParty, and #RIPTacoBell is trending.) I don't know what happened, I never will. I believe the girls' claims while still considering that Chris D'Elia can be (and has been) a good guy. As humans, we are capable of both.

From the time Whitney aired, I followed Chris D'Elia's career, and in the last two years, I found his arrogance and Ego unflattering to a guy I used to admire. I found his humor to be a bandaid for his insecurities and lack of self-love. Sound familiar? It should because I too operate from a place of Ego when I'm not doing my best work (i.e., Shaming another person on IG.)

Like most discrepancies we have with people, often what we see in others is the work we need to do within ourselves - and I am no different. For that reason, I deleted my post, because it was opinion, not fact and in turn, not productive.

When I read D'Elia's response to allegations, I was annoyed that he blamed it on being a "dumb guy" who let himself get "caught up in the lifestyle." Yet, a wave of compassion and understanding when he continues to say, "I've been reflecting on this for some time, and I will continue to do better."



I want him to do better. I want humanity, decency, and a fundamental "right from wrong" to trump any lifestyle.

I find myself straddling the line of "Bring all these Predators out into the light" and "Innocent Until Proven Guilty," and I don't know if there is a clear answer on how to proceed in the "Cancel Culture" we live. Is there a place where we leave room for change, compassion, and grace?

I don't know what the answer is and I don't know how to feel about it. What I do know is that I need to practice what I preach or preach better practice because airing emotions on social media are never productive and leave so much room to be interpreted and can have damaging effects. So, please accept my apology for airing my grievances and contradicting my "kindness always" philosophy - and know that justice (not opinion), for wrongdoings should always be at the forefront of controversy and unjust behavior.



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Calla is a writer, mother of three, and host of Have The Conversation Podcast.  Her blog, art, and conversations are here for you as living proof that mistakes and the lessons they provide are all part of a bigger picture   Reach out! - She'd love to get to know you.

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