Updated: Jan 5, 2020
You guys, I messed up my first email of the decade. Like, straight out of the gate, left half the document out and accidentally sent twice. I much prefer a blog to a newsletter I am finding out- because I can edit without emailing you guys forty-seven times! I battled with the idea of even sending a newsletter, but alas, my impulsivity got the better of me again, and I hit send. (I'm confident this will come up in Season Two of
I am so anxious to get back to work that sometimes I fall into old patterns of not being patient. Lately, I've come to appreciate the wonderous timing of my life. I feel confident declaring that my life experiences up to this point make sense - that choices I've made have molded me into how I think feel and present myself today. I like the person in the mirror, but just because I like her doesn't mean I give her a pass for having shitty habits. The more I love myself, the more I realize how messed up I really am! The only difference is now I want to work on the shitty parts and not make excuses for being human and messing up.
So, to acknowledge my impulsive behavior for what it is, I am going to cut right through to the heart of the matter and tell you why my impulsivity got the better of me and the lesson I learned, ready?
I wanted to work. It was 10 pm on New Year's Eve, and I had creative energy pulsing through my system. I thought if I somehow contacted you by midnight, it would make all the difference in the world to my relaunch of Have The Conversation podcast. I whipped together graphics and links and typed a letter from my heart, preparing you for the upcoming media overload that is about to be my life. In all my excitement, I rushed. I completely abandoned ship on my "plan" and ended up doing every perfectionist's worst nightmare: messing up.
That's right. I sent an unfinished, unedited, rough draft to my "subscribers." 🙄
The best most humbling part in the process was that not only did I rush and mess up the first email I sent, but I also rushed trying to fix the first email leading to another failed email. Oh yes, the Universe provided me with TWO failures in a row -ON NEW YEARS EVE! What a bitch.
I was so mad, you guys. I tossed and turned in bed after the second email sent, berating and doubting myself for even trying to chase this dream I have. I even tried to justify it through sarcasm in my Instagram stories! (Classic Calla move.) All of this over a second email mishap!
In hindsight, it is silly that something as familiar as a 'double email blast' would make me question my ability to build a brand in an instant - but the reality is, it did make me wonder. It made me wonder if I was capable of slowing down, controlling my impulses, and being patient in the timing of my vision of success. It also made me wonder if my impulsivity was, in fact, a good thing? Is that fear loathing rebel within the reason I can be brave and go for it, mistakes and all? Where was this girl in high-school?! I may never know the perfect way to do things, but here is what I do know:
I know that I am building a trustworthy brand. I believe in chasing this dream I have with my best friends beside me. I know that I am going to continue to strive to find a balance between plans and impulse. I know that I can be kind to myself in this process or give in to the doubt that plagues my mistakes. I am choosing kindness. I'm coming to terms that I need to accept that people subscribed to this because they want to hear from me. 🤔🤷♀️ That my mistakes and double emails will not make them unsubscribe or leave - but in the off chance that they do, it won't be my reason for not continuing to try. Know that it may take me forty-seven failed emails to get one good one, but I am going to keep going! I promise with every mistake I make; I will come back with a new approach and keep working until I get it right.
It's incredible what lessons we bring with us and continue to battle. Join me in making a conscious effort to learn from those things and not beat yourself up in the process. You're human. Keep Going. Keep Making Mistakes. Keep Creating.