No words, just love.

Updated: Sep 17, 2020

Nothing I could say or write would sum up what he meant to me. My Godfather. My uncle. Banana. 

I'll never understand why God chose you today. Yes, it's not fair. I'm sure you have a great sarcastic comment on it. I wish I could hear you say it. I know I would laugh.  

Actually,  I'd be surprised if you didn't give him a hard time for not calling you... you always liked to remind me and Simon that our phones worked. 

It's crazy, earlier today while I was packing,  I came across a picture of us in my dining room. I stopped and stared at it for a while and smiled. You mean so much to me.

I am so glad Eli will be here in a few days and that your name is his middle name.  That in some way he will know you and what you meant to both Simon and me. I hope he loves people the way that you did. I hope he does what he wants and makes up his own mind based on his own convictions, much like you did. I hope when he is grown, he loves his wife as you do. I hope he raises his kids to be incredible like you did. I hope he is simple and I hope he has great taste as you did.

I have to say, my heart is full tonight after I talked to your son. He is the epitome of compassion. He is hands down one of the best men I know and I couldn't imagine not having in my life.  Thank you for raising someone so logical, kind, and wonderful as him.  The fact that despite everything changing in his life so suddenly,  he is still just as concerned with what's going on in mine. Your beautiful wife was the same.  The fact that when I told them both how much I loved them, they told me how much they loved me and wished me luck for Eli's delivery. It's crazy to me. But, it's such a reflection of you. 

Even in the midst of crisis, despair, and heartbreak - they still care immensely about those around them. You were always like that.

Again,  no words or memories will do justice right now, or ever. But I hope you know that I love you so much and appreciate every bit of who you are. 

I am going to miss you.  Tell grandpa I said hi.

Love you, Banana

*Although our family has been through a lot this past month, I want to not focus on the negative, difficult or hard times. We need to focus on the love and grace we have all been shown. With death, comes the announcement of new life from my cousin and her husband, the soon-to-be birth of my own son, our Grandma making an incredible recovery and being able to go home... God is good. ALL. THE. TIME. 

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Calla is a writer, mother of three, and host of Have The Conversation Podcast.  Her blog, art, and conversations are here for you as living proof that mistakes and the lessons they provide are all part of a bigger picture   Reach out! - She'd love to get to know you.

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